Jackie+A.

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=Dealing with the loss of someone close to you and how to friends can help=

 "The pain of loss will go away faster if you ignore it"(The childrens room). This is a myth! Fact,"trying to ignore your pain will only make it worse in the long run. Finding safe and comfortable settings for the expression of your feelings — with trusted friends or family, in a support group, with a counselor, through artistic expression — is an important part of taking care of yourself at this trying time. And sometimes you will need to do or think about other things — there’s nothing wrong with this"(The childrens room). Grief is hard to deal with, but one of the worst things someone can do is to ignore it. "Grief is a reaction to loss" (Doka). Mourning is letting other people know what has happened and how one feels about it (Fitzgerald 72). Both mourning and grieving are important after you have lost someone close to you. Teen grief is a social issue and can have an impact on family, friends, and their personal lives.

__Different types of loss__  There are many different types of loss, and many different ways of grieving. The relationship you have with the person that dies has a major effect on the way teens grieve. Whether it is a friend, brother or sister, parent or child, they all have a different ways of grieving. The way a person dies affects the way you will react to it. Doka says, from the article, understanding the grieving process, "Often deaths that are very sudden, or follow long, painful illnesses, create problems for resolving grief". This is meaning that if someone has had a long painful illness it is still hard to cope with not having them anymore. If someone dies suddenly, it may stir different emotional thoughts and feelings. One kind of death is not easier to cope with than another. Another effect on the way you grieve would be the circumstances of your relationship with the person you have lost. The kind of personality that you posses will have an effect on the way you cope with the loss. “Everyone copes with crisis in different ways. Some will bury themselves in work, seeking diversion; some will want to talk; others will avoid conversation"(Doka). All of these ways are okay ways of dealing with loss. It all depends on what you feel is best for you.

__Coping with Grief__  To cope with grief the first thing you want to do is understand what is going to happen while you are grieving, and what many people go through. This will help you understand what is happening and may make you less afraid. You need to understand that you will face challenges when you are grieving. Something that you may experience is trouble sleeping. This may be because many peoples minds start to race as they get into bed. Even though you know sleep is very important, this is a normal thing to have happen. Some thing you many want to try is avoiding caffeine before bed. Also, you could try to "have a glass of warm milk or chamomile tea..." or "Try some meditation to quite your mind"(Fitzgerald 72).

__Who to tell__  After the death of a family member teens often tell their friends. This is a great thing for them to do. This is important because then friends are able to help and support you through the mourning process. You should not just tell your friends though; your teachers should be informed. This will help teachers be more understanding, and they will be able to work with you to catch up on assignments. If you start by telling your friends what has happened they will help you pass it on to others (Fitzgerld 114). "If your friends aren't close by, use the phone, or, better yet, send them e-mail messages"(Fitzgerld 115). You should continue communicating with them so they know the timing and place of the wake and funeral (Fitzgerld 115). They want to support you and help you through this hard time, so keep them updated.

Don't forget to share all your wonderful memories with the people you love and your friends.  __What friends should do__  Your friends are a great form of support. It is important that the grieving person accepts the help of others. Also, friends may see things of concern. They may see that you may be becoming depressed, and the teen needs to accept that it could be true (Fitzgerald 120). It is important that friends give you comfort through this time. "An effective way to deliver comfort, is through a short written note"(Parachin 1). This is good, because the grieving person is able to read the letter over and over and see that their friends are there for them. As Parachin says in the article Ways to Support a Bereaved Friend, is that it is important to "call and visit often". This will help them during the time when they are still grieving, even though often their friends have returned to their normal lives. Friends need to know " that recovery takes time"(Parachin 2). There is no way to make grieving end, you have to be patient and know it can take years. "Listen with all you heart"(Parachin 2). Try to help your friend talk about what has happened and really listen to what they have to say. Your should comfort them, so that they are more willing to accept how they feel. They should discuss the person who has died openly and their feelings about that person. This will help them accept the death easier (Parachin 3). Be there to listen to what your friend has to say, and don't feel you have to have all the answers. Also dont push them to answer. Let them take their time, and they will answer when they are ready (Fitzgerld 195).​

Showing a caring hand __The six needs of Mourning__  The first need is to let yourself feel the pain of the loss. One good way of doing this would be to write. You can just write a little every day saying how you are feeling and thinking about the death. You also need to accept the reality of the death. This may be done by informing people that someone has died. An example of this, may be telling your friends. The third thing you should do is to remember the person who died. This may be thinking about the memories that you have had with the person. The fourth need is to develp a new self-identity. Think about the person who died and the role they played in your life. Then think about the differences that now exist in your life. Next, you need to think about is the purpose of their death and know that everyone is born and dies. Lastly you need to let others help you. This could be your family or friends. They will help you cope with living life without that person (wolfelt).

media type="youtube" key="oDk0PHuZoEg" height="293" width="420" align="left"  This video talks about the 4 major ways of why teens suffer after loss. The first one is that teens feel pressured to talk. Normally teens do not talk to their parents about it, so often parents worry. The second reason teens suffer is because parents lose trust that their child is safe from harm. This means that parents become very protective over teens and always have to know what they are doing. The third way is that teens don't want to feel different. When someone experiences a loss, especially during the teenage years, they often feel different or separated from their peers. The last reason is that life must go on. This is that they still have to go to school and keep up with every day life, and this can be difficult for the grieving teen. It is important not to give up and keep doing your activities but maybe try do a few less activities, so that you are not so busy that you can not grieve.

At any age it is not easy to lose someone whom you love. When teens suffer a loss of a loved one, it is many time their first experience with death. Talking with friends, remembering to take care of ones self, and getting professional help if needed are important strategies for teens. As they learn perhaps for the first time healthy ways to deal with grief.

 Here are a few websites for more information:

[|www.helpguide.org/mental/helping_grieving.htm] More info on supporting a friend [] More info on dealing with grief [] For more basic info about grief [|www.journeyofhearts.org/grief/kids_death.html] Knowing the signs [] Cheaklist of everything you need to do after the death Works Cited // The Childrens Room //. Web. 08 Feb. 2010. . Doka, Kenneth J. "Understanding the Grieving Process." // Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center //. // Illegal // // Immigration //. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2002. // Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center //. Web. 27 Jan. 2010. Fitzgerald, Helen. // Grieving teen a guide for teenagers and their friends //. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2000. Print. Parachin, Victor M. "Ways to support a Bereaved Friend." Ed. Shasta Gaughen. // Opposing Viewpoints resource Center //. // Illegal // // Immigration //. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2002. // Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center //. Web. 27 Jan. 2010. Wolfelt, Alan. // Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens 100 Practical Ideas (100 Ideas Series) //. New York: Companion (CO), 2001. Print.